Saturday, January 1, 2011

2010 funnies

1/08 We've had a stomach bug in our house, so when Ben woke up holding his stomach I asked him how his stomach was feeling. He replied, "It's feeling like if you don't feed it, it will die!"

1/13 Susan informs me that both Han Solo AND Luke Skywalker are my husbands(the action figure sized guys). She asks me to keep them in their plastic containers and keep them safe - one wonders at her concept of husband and how to keep one.

1/14 I take Natalie purse shopping and she cringes at the thought of leather..she's fine eating animals, just not wearing one...until we find THE perfect purse which is snake skin. So really if an animal skin looks good enough you can go ahead and wear it...especially if the animal wasn't all that snuggly in the first place. I will talk to PETA - perhaps along with calling fish "sea kittens" we need to rename snakes.

1/15 We're talking about Martin Luther King, Jr. and the "I Have a Dream" speech. As I'm explaining his vision Natalie says, "We already have that! He was right!" I wonder, how much should I tell her? I wish everyone saw through her eyes. We have come a long young is too young to know just how many stupid and ugly people there still are?

1/17 Ben, age 6, has a substitute for Sunday school. The teacher is talking about how we are different and how we have similarities. We have different eye color, different hair color...but we are all children of God. Ben, listening intently and wanting to contribute: "I have a penis and you don't." Can't argue with that now, can you? Please also note that this particular teacher STILL as an adult NEVER uses ANY proper names for ANY slightly sensitive body part.

1/24 Ben relaying his version of Article of Faith 2: " will be punished for their own sins and not for Adam's transmission." (Is this a common little child assumption?)

2/19 Watching olympics with the children and Susan (4) says, "Let's go back to Dad's on Ice!" (We assume she meant men's figure skating - unless she intended to carbon freeze her own father.)

2/22 So last night in the middle of Family Home Evening (Monday night - our church sets apart as a time for families to be together - talk about the gospel, sing, play, have a treat...that kind of thing) Susan is sitting on my lap. She turns to me and touches my belly and asks with her darling little voice and fluttering eyelashes...

"What man put that baby in your belly?"

"Dad!" I say, somewhat shocked.

"Really?" she asks again.

"Yes, really, it was Dad" I say.

"Oh, good" she says... conversation over, leaving me completely incredulous! Kalani heard it and was laughing, but Chris missed it entirely.

3/2 Every morning Abi wakes up happy and ready to snuggle. It's a wonderful morning routine. After a few minutes she generally asks for a "na" (banana) or a "bapple" (apple). Sometimes the request shifts to a "dink o' yilk". The last two mornings, however, the first part of the morning has continued but her request has shifted...she requested "chocklit."

3/19 We're watching BYU play basketball against Florida. I hadn't seen the BYU coach in a while and commented on his hair color: "Didn't he used to be black?" I say. Chris explained that during the course of his cancer treatment he'd gone white. Raymond, listening to all of this - or perhaps only half of it - says, "He used to be a black guy?"

4/28 I'm resting and reading a book. Susan comes up and colors me a cake. She divides it up with her pen and proceeds to pretend to serve it to me. After a few pieces I tell her I'm full. She says, "Mom, I want you to eat it all and get really big so our baby will get really big and be ready to come out today!"

5/5 We're off to the hardware store to buy a few miscelaneous things for bikes and scooters and various things. At the last moment Natalie had asked for a bolt for her bike. So I was saying on the way to the store "nuts and bolts, nuts and bolts..." Kalani, after hearing me for a little while said, "Mom, we don't need both; we just need the butt." Um...

6/7 Raymond gets me a glass of water just how I like it, and very politely. I thank him and he replies, "No problem. I'll help you anytime mom... at least until the baby's a few months old." I knew there was a catch.

6/12 I'm discussing chores with Kalani, and she's not in the mood to do them all. She's trying to think of some reward and says, "Can we have the baby when we're done then?" ...Sure!

6/15 Hannah Julia is born into her father's arms at our home...what a darling daughter!

7/4 We visit a new ward to meet a friend, Brother Goolsby, from Pampa. Afterwards, Rebecca says, "Was that Brother Frisby?"

7/8 Susan is kissing and patting Hannah and I ask, "Are you glad you have a sister?" Susan replies, "Yes! Soon we'll be hobbits!" "Hobbits?" I ask. "Yes," she says, "you know, now we are twins and soon there will be three of us." "OH! Triplets!" "Yes," she said.

7/14 Ben: "It's a miracle! It's a miracle!!" What prompts this wonder and excitement? Mom has moved the couch and found a treasure trove of cars and shapes (as well as the long lost library book)...IN THE COUCH!

8/16 We drove around looking for various craft stores to buy the appropriate whatevers for the older two to make their friend a birthday present. We found everything and only made two u-turns in the process--so not that bad. Natalie says, "That's another reason I like living in the country; you don't get lost...because you don't have anywhere to go."

8/20 While unpacking I'm sure I put our swimming floaties in a very safe safe we couldn't find them. I remember distinctly holding them and deciding where they should go... After looking for a while we got in the van to go swimming-without the floaties. While lamenting my sorry memory I say "If any of you find my brain please let me know." Natalie says "I'd rather find the floaties!"

8/23 First day of school...Raymond brings me his math and sits down beside me and says "you know you're a homeschooler if your teacher is nursing during the lesson"

8/23 Ben comes up to Hannah and I and says "I think Hannah was born with cuteness" He then sings "Hooray for babies" with his own words..including "you're the stinkiest person here" He then sings the cupey cake song.

9/12 Susan comes flying into the kitchen flapping her wings around me. The evidence of her older siblings upon my dear 5yo is obvious as she says "Mom look at me! I'm a phonics!"

9/30 Susan makes Hannah smile then looks up at me and says " I can haz cheezburger? isn't that cute mom?"

10/6 over heard cleaning up for dinner...Ben (6) to Susan (5) as they clean the table "If I could just get mom out of the way I'd be the BEST!" (at wiping the table!) So if you hear of my early demise in the next little know what to do.

10/11 Over dinner we are discussing Chris' birthday and it is discovered he has to WORK on his birthday. Commenting on this major injustice Ben says, "We'll have to cancel Dad's birthday?!" Chris responds "Does that mean I don't turn 40?" Raymond comments, "But he'll still be over the hill!" "No" I interject, "He's not cloose to the hill" Raymond says "I thought it was 40?"

11/07 We get home from church at 2:30, quickly try to prepare something to eat which means we are eating about 3:30 (which feels like 4:30 because of the time change). Rebecca picks up her hot dog and says "My precious!" Ben, while eating his hamburger says "This is good! I like Chinese food!"

11/10 Boys have to be creative when they have lots of sisters. Ben (7) is mastering the art. He comes around the corner dressed as spider man and holding his deadly ball of yarn. At his side, his faithful friend Becca, AKA "spider cat"!

11/11 Waiting in the optomitrist office with Becca, while watching Finding Nemo. Dori says "There's nothing in my noggin", and Becca had a funny look on her face, so I asked "Becca, What's a noggin?" She says "I don't know...a backpack maybe?"

11/13 Homeschool history teaching fail: Raymond preparing for 11yo scouts is looking through a box of Chris' stuff for a scout shirt. He comes out of the room and asks "Mom, there are a lot of weird CDs in that box that are black...what are they?" ummm "They are records son."

11/29 Becca is frustrated that we have to drive all the way home from the doctor's appointment. She asks if I know any short cuts. While talking about how long it took us to get there (why yes I did make a wrong turn and was slightly lost), she says "On the way here I saw lots of 'lost' signs. I don't want to go to lost again. If you see any lost signs don't go there." I ask her what the word lost is and she says "When you don't see any trains? don't know. What is it?"

11/30 We were talking about King Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette. Ben, 7, who is walking around us pauses and asks, "Marie Internet?"

12/3 Ben is thrilled for the weekend and is trying to convince me it's time to watch some tv, so he says "I've got space in my head, let's watch some Pokemon to fill it up!"

12/23 Raymond and I are doing a little light, early morning reading on the fourth dimension and the theory of relativity. One internet link lead us to something beyond my comprehension. He had just started reading as I was trying to change the page, so I explained, "That's not really English...I mean it's English but.." "I know" he interupts, "it's geek speak." The next link loads and up comes Einstein in his native tongue..."Wow!" says Raymond, "that's super Geek speak!" "Son" I say, "that's German."

12/28 It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.... Ben "My mom's an awesome cook!" Raymond "Excpet when she cooks like she normally does!"


Anonymous said...

These are great! Thanks for sharing.

DH said...

Loved your funnies. Especially seeing the older kids' sense of humor--little people can't help saying funny things. The bigger kids start having their own flavor to their comments. Wish we lived closer! Dana

Mama Rachel said...

LOL! Oh, Britt! You and your cute kiddos CRACK ME UP!!! :-D My husband and I had some great chuckles while reading this hilarious post!