1/8 family clean up always ends up with bizarre conversations. I walk in on someone saying "necromancy", so I say "Hmmm necromancy" and Ben interrupts "MOM don't get dad into necromancy! It's not what you think and it's definitely not what he's been doing!"
1/18 Lydia, "Having a crock pot is like having house elves!"
1/22 Ben, "It's supposed to be a Sun... day...not a no sun day. "Rachel, "It's not Sun day anymore...it's moon night."
1/19 The problem of my morning (besides 2 little people awake before 5) "Mom! I just can't draw the blackberry monster!" says Rachel...she's completely serious and is unimpressed that I have no idea what she's talking about.
1/25 Kalani comes home from serving a mission in San Jose, California for 18 months. We hugged. We followed her around the house. I checked on her while she was sleeping.
2/10 a normal family devotional in the kelly home today included teh word "fornication" 20 times and Lisa "SHHHUSSSSHHHING" very loudly with interpretive dance. Feel the peace.
2/17 overheard while my children play the game of life: "lawyers are WAY better than teachers!" " I HATE honeymoons!" "I shouldn't even BE married!" "NOOOOOO TAXES!!"
2/17 the 15yo daughter is definitely willing to watch basketball with dad in ONE situation...When she's watching Jimmer Ferdette who is currently playing in China. Kanji everywhere. She is mesmerized. If only those guys in the foreground would get out of the way.
4/6/2107 The day in which I am the adultiest adult around but am desperate to find an adultier adult. We have chickens. I was unaware of what that would mean. I heard they were easy. Through out food and water, collect eggs. EASY. Today the children discovered one of the chickens had a prolapse (part of her eggs creating body was on the OUTSIDE of her body. This is bad. I google. It's called a vent prolapse though this looks far more like alien then what I think of when I hear 'vent'. every darn site says this is something the owner handles and gives steps. I call a few vets. they all say it's ridiculous. I should handle it. um.
I dress in my worst clothes and most poop secure boots. I arm myself with a towel and warm water to see if I can calm her down and clean her first. The lovely chicken melts into my arms. With all their beaks and claws, they are remarkable patients. I proceed to bath a chicken. I just. I discover quickly that the other chickens really do peck a chick while she's down. It's horrible! They've been laying eggs together and eating worms together for months...aren't they bonded? One little problem and they go all Hunger Games on this poor lady! We move to the front yard and I round up some gaurds that keep the chickens away.
read that sugar water can shrink the prolapsed part and make it easy to gently push it back in. I search my house up and down for sugar. I normally don't buy sugar..haven't for years (I now have what I call "chicken sugar" on hand-not for eating children...this is for chickens!). I finally found a small bit of old brown sugar. I hope it's enough. Miraculously warm sugar water does just what it says it does on youtube...her swollen little insides shrink a little.
now have cleaned and sugared the chicken. All that is left is to gently smush the insides back inside the chicken. um. um. I recall a quote from a woman I love "How did a nice girl like me end up in a place like this?" I review my wedding vows mentally...nothing. NOTHING in there about this. No adulting class ever covered this. I gently smush. All the sites suggest a bare hand is THE only way. I have gloves. I try. I coax. I talk I try harder. I cry. poor chicken. I take breaks. I rethink my life and consider simpler days when all I did was keep a ball from touching the floor. I have long since taken my gloves off. My hands will never be the same. I smush.I pray. I smush. I rewatch the youtube video for the umpteenth time.
finally get her all situated. I find a place for her to be away from those awful mean girls. I feel traumatized..surely not like the poor chicken. She walks gingerly away. I want to boil myself and eat a pound or ten of chocolate.
4/9 We get to church and Rachel starts kissing me loudly as they're doing announcements. My cheeks, my nose, my forehead, then she drops down and starts kissing my chest and commenting how VERY squishy my "tummy" is. We distract her and the baby with lotion and before we know it there is lotion everywhere. They start rubbing it all over my legs and every bit of available skin. By this time chris and I are only mostly containing our laughter and we can see some shaking shoulders in front of us...church with the kellys.
5/10 Ben frequently changes the lyrics to songs. Mostly it's just goofy. Today it was just true "There is beauty all around, when there's pizza at home"
5/18 Hannah skipping through the house and singing at full volume "some body once told me the world is macaroni..."
6/19 Going clothes shopping for the 13 yo...we need shoes and pants. He just GROWS. As I'm about to park, I can hear the 4yo unbuckling. "Please wait until I park sweetie". I say.
PARK?? We're going to the park? WHERE? I can't see it?"
. this is NOT going to go well.
hurry. she grumps. In the store when we were almost done a "nice" store person hands the grumpy 4yo a gigantic stuffed mini mouse. It's as big as her. She is thrilled. um. no. I tell her we can't take it home. It lives in the store. The same store guy says, "no, you can buy it!"
we left the store with one protester in tow, "YOU promised we were going to the park!!! AND you wouldn't let me keep my mini!"
7/18 Lydia "So...It's like you're dropped into a foreign country and can't speak the language but they are totally dependent on you to meet their needs. The people end up crying sometimes to get their needs met. You've been doing this for 21 years and you STILL can't speak their language?"
"I just wait until they learn mine."
noting the reality that I still can't speak or understand baby or toddler
8/26 Harvey in which we are reminded of the power of water and the amazing love and service and determination that fills Houston.
of my funny memories from hurricane Harvey was after our power went out it took us most of one day to teach Lisa that candles were not for birthdays. Every time she saw one she would start singing and blow it out. We finally got her all trained, then we got back our power and the very next day was the twins' birthday. they blew out the candles and the look on Lisa's face!!!
9/26 The day in which I decide that it's totally legit to offer extra credit to my home schooled children if they find the contents of my purse which the toddler has lovingly hid. This started a long discussion about grades and points and extra credit...I've never graded them. You know it or you don't. If you don't we keep learning.
10/28 new rules in my attempt to clothe the unwilling naked "you need to be dressed to hold the kitty" (to be fair this is a rather feisty kitty...we're not sure how he survived Harvey) and "Most people who play frisbee are dressed!"
11/16 "Please bless us that no one will whine about how awful the food is!" um . it's spaghetti!
11/28 The septic guy comes today and remarks that it doesn't seem like it's been that long since he was here before. He notices a few children coming in and out of the house. "How many kids do you have?"
poor man went into a tailspin. He started pacing in a circle and repeating the number 11. I gave him some time to recover. I tried to say something encouraging. Somewhere around the fifth or sixth circle he attempts to gather himself. I can see he's completely derailed and I have messed with his concept of reality and possibly the meaning of life.
mumbles that he used to know someone once who came from a big family.
starts trying to do the math of what it would be like to have our family as opposed to a family of 6. He's lost attempting to access calculus or some such...um. just double..that's close enough.
think he short circuited. I hope he could drive okay.
/29 me: "Rachel, we don't kill our brothers at christmas"
: "We have friends!! They can do it!"
New year friends!!
Love, the Kellys